There are two main categories of scenes in BDSM. Public scenes and private scenes. Which one you do dictates how you need to approach it. Do you know how to prepare for the two? From a safety aspect, are they the same? Let’s discuss…
What is a scene?
A scene is simply a session of BDSM or Kink activities. For example, planning a set time to have an impact session with your partner is considered a scene. (It can also be referred to as “play”, or a “play scene”, or “scening”) Walking by someone and slapping their ass is not a scene, but coordinating a specific time to meet up and give someone a spanking is.
A public scene is done in a consenting public area, like a dungeon, playhouse, or at a play party.
A private scene is done in a private area with only those involved in the scene (and possibly with consenting spectators).
What should be covered in a scene negotiation?
All scenes need to be negotiated prior to play. But the approach on how you negotiate depends a lot on the relationship you have with your scene partner.
If you are already in a dynamic with your partner, the core of your negotiations should have already been done before the dynamic. Usually, in an existing BDSM relationship, the partners have already developed a knowledge of how to provide each other’s safety and aftercare. Though if it’s a new kink or a new scene that is being done for the first time, negotiations need to be had.
If you don’t have an established relationship with your scene partner, then an in-depth and thorough negotiation should be done. Safety and precautions need to be at every step along the way. In order to have responsible fun, you have to play safe and smart.
Things that should be discussed for scene negotiations are:
- Limits– discuss soft and hard limits you have.
- Safewords– set up either a scene safeword or a safeword system, like a pain number scale or the red light system.
- Health– discuss any preexisting health conditions, including ones that might not seem important like allergies or low blood sugar tendencies. Also, daily health, like headaches, body aches, or even current mental health states like anxiety or nervousness.
- Expectations– discuss what you want to happen, and what you don’t want to happen.
- Wants and Needs– discuss things you want to get from the scene and things you need to get from the scene.
- Types of kinks- discuss what will be (or might be) included in the scene.
- Type of toys or equipment- discuss any items that may be used during the scene.
- Sexual contact– discuss if sexual contact will be a part of the scene or not. Discuss if nudity is acceptable, and if the play can include genital areas or not (for example, impact play or wax play on the genitalia). Discuss if sexual intercourse will be apart of the scene. If so, go over safety precautions, birth control, and what sexual activities you want and don’t want to do.
- Dates– discuss when the scene will happen. Include when you are expected to leave after the scene as well.
- Locations– discuss where you will meet your partner, include personal details about what kind of vehicle you may be arriving in, what you will be wearing, etc. If it is your first time meeting, meet in a public place, like a coffee shop, or the mall. Also, discuss where the scene will take place.
- Time– discuss what time you will meet your play partner. Also, how long the scene is expected to last.
What is a safe call?
ALWAYS set up a safe call EVERY TIME you scene. A safe call is a person you give the information about your upcoming scene to. Include who you’re meeting, where you are going, what time it is happening, and when you should be back. This is solely for your safety in case (heaven forbid) something were to go wrong.
What are some things you should prepare for?
I want to touch on a few things here. Lots of things can happen in a scene. You can’t plan for EVERYTHING, but you can make sure you are prepared with the basics. Make sure you have a first aid kit, EMT scissors, snacks, and water. Precheck all equipment. Make sure it is clean and in good working order.
Confirm you have a general plan for any emergencies that might happen during a scene. Another thing that you need to be aware of is always have a way for the submissive to get free in the case of an emergency regarding the Dominant. What if a submissive was tied up and the Dominant faints or has a seizure. Always leave a way of escape, or have a 3rd person on hand who can release the restrained person. Keep in mind that some scenes, like fire play, need a 3rd person to look out and be a spotter.
How should you prepare your body for a scene?
Make sure you are hydrated. Depending on the scene, have a snack prior (or if it’s suppose to be a more intense scene have a light meal). Do not scene on a full stomach.
Make sure you are clean before the scene. The last thing you need is introducing dirt or bacteria to your immune system. Also, be aware that different kinks have different preparation needs. Like for example, fire play. When participating in a fire play scene, make sure no lotions, perfumes, hair spray, or any other flammable products are on the body before the scene.
How do you treat injuries like bruises, burns, cuts, or pulled muscles during a scene? What about after?
Any injury that occurs during a scene that is not planned needs to be addressed and treated if needed. Serious injuries should get immediate medical attention. After a scene, a part of aftercare is tending to any injuries that may have occurred. Clean the area for cuts or lesions. For bruises, if desired, apply a cold compress or ice to the area. You can also apply arnica (arnicare for those in the states). For first degree burns, run the area under cool (not cold) water and then apply a burn ointment. For a pulled muscle, ice the area, take a pain reliever, and rest the muscle.
How do you prep an area for possible body fluids?
This is for a public play scene. If you go to a playhouse, play party, or dungeon with the intent to do a scene, make sure you understand their local protocol for keeping things clean. Most places will provide disposable absorbent underpads that can be placed over the apparatus or sanitizing spray or antibacterial wipes. Make sure you clean up after your scene. Never leave your trash behind.
It’s also important to note that if you are using tools or implements on more than one person, make sure the item is non-porous. That way, it can be cleaned and appropriately sanitized without spreading bodily fluids from one person to another. (If the item is porous, then it should only be for one person. It can be used over and over again with that person, but can not be used on someone else.)
Scenes are the foundation of exploring our kinks. You have to ensure it’s done safely. Don’t forget to vet your potential partner thoroughly before agreeing to do a scene. Be safe, protect yourself, negotiate, set up a safe call, and always have fun. Be kinky, and stay curious!
