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Have you ever seen that person in the lifestyle who is so enthusiastic about BDSM that they bounce from play scene to play scene, or partner to partner with no care in the world? Did you ever envy them? Don’t. It can appear fun and light-hearted, but it can also leave a path of destruction and harm that affects not only themselves but anyone they come in contact with. Why? Frenzy.

What is frenzy?

Frenzy can happen to submissives, Dominants, and Switches.  It is when someone is so excited about the lifestyle and wants to try everything right now, or when they try something new and like it so much that they do it over and over again in an unsafe, indulgent manner.  Frenzy is urgency without the care or thought of consequence.  It’s basically overfilling your plate, like a kid in a candy store, with no sense of moderation or focus on safety for yourself or your partner.

But why is it so dangerous?

Frenzy can lead to a host of problems.  Injury for one, physical or emotional.  Trying something when you haven’t spent the time to understand what the possible risks are can set a higher probability of harm.

BDSM can be intense.  Moving from activity to activity and not give yourself time to process your feelings and emotions can eventually cause one to detach emotionally or break down without really understanding why or where it’s coming from.

What are some signs of frenzy?

• Being reckless with play
• Rushing into a scene or dynamic with someone.
• Dom or sub jumping- going from one partner to the next multiple times without taking the time to get to know them.
• Engaging in an activity that you haven’t taken the time to learn or understand.
• Not understanding the risks involved.
• Going along with everything your partner wants.  Not asking questions or understanding what you agree to.
• Meeting and playing with someone you don’t know.

Is frenzy preventable?

Not always.  Most people in frenzy don’t realize that they are in frenzy.  But understanding what it is and being aware is the first step on how to stop it.  This is also why newbies are more inclined to frenzy than seasoned kinksters. People new to BDSM don’t know to look out for frenzy.

Does frenzy only happen to people new to BDSM?

Definitely not!  I personally had frenzy once, after I had been in the lifestyle for years. I tried a new kink and loved it.  I craved it all the time.  As soon as the marks I received from the kink went away, I wanted more.  And, in turn, I didn’t give my body enough time to heal properly. 

Usually, for seasoned kinksters, frenzy can happen when you are emotionally or mentally “off,” like after a breakup, or as a coping mechanism to drop.  So being aware of this is a great way to try and prevent it from happening, or to stop it if it has begun.

What can you do if you think you have frenzy?

Slow down!  Time management and education are both vital.  Acknowledge your enthusiasm.  I find looking at a calendar, and setting a physical time for myself to have a break in between sessions helps me tremendously.  Or for a potential dynamic, try setting a time boundary for yourself. (I should wait before this happens for at least this long).  Trust your instincts.  If it feels rushed, it probably is. If someone is trying to rush you, take a step back and pause. The “honeymoon phase” of any dynamic is dangerous for frenzy. Be mindful that while it feels incredible (we know you may want to ride that feeling forever) it does not excuse being reckless or unsafe. Slow down, take your time, and enjoy it.

Another thing you can do, and I can’t stress this enough, is to surround yourself with like-minded people.  Having a group of friends in the lifestyle, regardless of their role, is so important.  Your friends are usually the first ones who recognize frenzy, and can spot red flags or potential problems faster.

How long can frenzy last?

Honestly, it depends on the person.  It could last a few weeks to a year, depending on how long the excitement of trying new things last, and if it goes undetected.

What is the difference between excitement and frenzy?

Excitement is enthusiasm and eagerness, and while frenzy contains both of those, frenzy happens at an unsafe level.  Too much enthusiasm and too much eagerness can cause one to become overwhelmed.  It can also cause harm because different activities in BDSM and Kink are risky. Not taking the caution for these risks is very dangerous.

How can frenzy in one partner put the other partner at risk?

Simply put, having a partner in frenzy puts you at risk.

For a Dominant or Switch Top in frenzy, they can unintentionally harm a submissive by not taking proper safety precautions or by engaging in an activity that they are not knowledgeable about. For example, not learning the proper knots for bondage, and not having the safety equipment needed to free a submissive if the ropes get too tight is dangerous and could result is long term injuries or worse.

A submissive or switch bottom in frenzy can emotionally manipulate a Dominant to engage in an activity that they aren’t prepared for.  (How can you keep someone safe from harm when you don’t know what kind of harm is likely?) It can also put the Dominant at risk to deal with the emotional guilt of having something go wrong that can happen during an unprepared scene. 

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Frenzy can happen to anyone, any role, and at any time during your BDSM/Kink journey.  Being aware of signs and symptoms, and knowing how to protect yourself and your partner is the first step of controlling frenzy.  It’s good to be excited about BDSM and Kink, but too much of something is never healthy.  All good things come in moderation. And remember, be kinky and always stay curious!

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