Safety in BDSM is always a top priority.  However, safety is not just doing one thing. It involves many different aspects.  So, I have put together a list of different things that someone participating in BDSM needs to be aware of to be as safe and responsible as possible.  This post is just an overview. I will be adding articles as I go, and I will provide the links to those articles when they come along that go into more detail about specific topics.

What is Physical Safety?

Physical safety is protecting the body from harm.  The type of activities you are partaking in depends on what you need to be aware of in a safety aspect. 

• For example, bondage.  You should know where pressure points are.  You should be aware of the possibility of circulation getting cut off in the limbs (we don’t want that). 
• For impact play, you should be aware of where on the body you can hit and where you can’t.
• Even for kneeling, there’s going to be safety involved with that.  Is there any previous knee injuries, do their knees bother them, legs can go to sleep after kneeling for a while, so, circulation can be an issue. 

Physical safety depends on what type of play you’re doing.  Research possible complications, discuss with each other risks that might happen; and be aware during a scene.  Make sure you have a first aid kit handy and have a plan of action in case anything goes wrong.

What is emotional safety?

Emotional safety is feeling safe and secure, where one feels comfortable and relaxed with their partner.  But how do you ensure the emotional safety of yourself and your partner?  Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Being able to trust that someone has your best interest, being accountable and reliable for your actions, taking responsibility instead of casting blame, and being able to negotiate your wants and needs are all ways to help ensure emotional safety.  Being able to recognize possible verbal, physical, or emotional triggers AND being able to talk about them before, during, and after they happen is essential.  Advocating for yourself is difficult, and something that takes effort and practice.

Sometimes we are unaware we may have a trigger to something.  Using your safeword not only protects you but your partner when this may occur.  For example, a submissive becoming triggered and not safewording can be detrimental to that submissive, but it can also destroy the Dominant’s trust in the submissive.  A Dominant can’t protect and keep a submissive safe if they don’t know an issue exists.  Communicate!

How do you find out what your limits are?

So how do you know you don’t like something until you’ve tried it?  How do you know there are just some things you don’t want to try?  Well, sometimes, you just know.  For me, I don’t have to experience scat to know I don’t want to try it.  But there are some things I don’t know if I like or dislike them. 

One of the best ways to discover your limits is to fill out a BDSM checklist.  Checklists are great because they cover a wide variety of kinks, activities, BDSM equipment, and power exchange options that you might not think of during negotiations. 

You can also research what you think might be a limit.  Most things in BDSM are on a scale.  And when we typically hear a kink or activity, we associate it with the most extreme scenario we can imagine.  But that’s not always the case.  For example, pain play isn’t necessarily getting caned to the extreme.  Yes, that does fall under pain play.  But there are many more options in pain play that aren’t as hard or extreme.  If you were to cast off pain play because you don’t want to be caned, you could be missing out on a world of pleasure.  So educate yourself on your limits to make sure they aren’t too broad.

When should your safewords be used?

Any time you need to use them, use them!  Safewords are the lifeblood to safety and trust.  If the ropes are too tight, or your hand starts going numb, safeword.  If you get a leg cramp, safeword.  If you get triggered by something that you didn’t even know was an issue and it bothers or upsets you, safeword.  Don’t be afraid to safeword. It’s essential and necessary for your connection with your partner.

What are check-ins?

Check-ins are when a Dominant or Top checks in with a submissive or bottom during a scene.  Check-ins should be negotiated prior to a scene, so they are set up before the scene begins.  Check-ins are essential for the Dominant to know how the sub is coping with the scene, how their pain level is, how their emotional state is, and how they feel physically.  These are things that need to be monitored, but would affect the scene if the Dominant would prompt all these questions every time they needed to check in.  The stoplight safeword system works very well for check-ins: green for good, yellow for slow down or I’m getting close to my limit, and red for stop or I need a break.

Can check-ins be non-verbal?

Absolutely.  A non-verbal check-in can be used when the sub isn’t able to speak or in a loud setting where the Dominant might not hear the submissive.  So, for example, if you were at a play party and there’s loud music going on and people talking everywhere, having a nonverbal check-in would be ideal.  Another instance would be during a scene where the submissive was wearing a gag.  An example of a nonverbal check-in could be the Dominant tapping the hip of the submissive twice and the submissive holding up one, two, or three fingers, signaling which meant what.  

What is aftercare?

Aftercare is the type of care given after a scene.  Aftercare covers physical care and emotional care.  It comes in many shapes and fashions.  It might be cuddling and petting, or replenishing energy and rehydrating by eating a snack or drinking some water.  It could be wrapping yourself in a blanket or taking a hot shower after a scene.  It could be journaling and writing down your thoughts or discussing with your partner how you feel things went and what you would change.  However you unwind is your type of aftercare.

Who benefits the most from aftercare?

It’s vital to understand that aftercare is not only for a submissive.  Dominants benefit and need aftercare just as much as a submissive.  It’s essential you have an aftercare regimen that helps keep you emotionally, physically, and mentally secure after a scene. 

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There are lots of things that contribute to safety.  Understanding how to be safe is the biggest step.  No matter your role, making sure safety is a priority is essential for everyone involved.  However, just because you prep for safety, doesn’t mean that you can’t get hurt or injured.  If you obtain an injury from play, get professional help.  Go to a hospital, see a doctor, talk to a therapist.  Do not downplay any injuries because you are embarrassed about how they happened.  We can’t prevent accidents, but when you educate yourself and prep for the unknown, you can reduce the likelihood of injury by a lot. And remember, be kinky and stay curious!