When trying to find a potential partner, how do you make sure they are a suitable partner for you? Agreeing to power exchange terms can be a big commitment, and not everyone is compatible. Aside from vetting and negotiating with a potential, sometimes, you just don’t know they fit until you try. This is the purpose of under consideration.
What is an under consideration period?
An under consideration (UC) period is a no-fault, get to know you period, where you can see if a potential is a good match for you. It’s like a trial and error type of agreement. There are no hard feelings if one partner decides to walk away and end the UC.
What is the purpose of a UC?
Under consideration is used to help people see if their styles of domination and submission can fit together. To see if all partners involved can satisfy the other’s needs.
Under consideration is where the framework for a successful dynamic begins. It’s when you start to implement the core pillars of BDSM. I advocate that there are five elements that a dynamic needs to be successful. (Implementing these does not guarantee a dynamic will work, but they give you a better chance if you find someone compatible with your D/s needs.). In my opinion, these pillars are, in no particular order of importance, Trust, Communication, Respect, Honesty, and Understanding. UC is where you being to mold these elements and build a foundation with your partner.
What expectations are there in UC?
The expectations are what you and your partner agree to. You can have a mock, no-fault dynamic, with rules and expectations to see how to make it work. You can implement one or two rules in UC. You can use UC only for negotiations and trial scene time. That is up to you and your partner.
How long should a UC period last?
Again this depends on what you and your partner decide. While UC periods don’t have to have a time limit, I always recommend to give it AT LEAST a month. But I know people who have had a six month UC period. However long UC lasts, you want to make sure you don’t rush it and fall into frenzy because it’s so exciting and intoxicating.
What are the benefits of UC?
Under consideration has lots of benefits. It allows you to get to know someone before you fully commit. While words can sound good, actions speak louder. So UC enables you to experience the actions to see if they are what you need. It allows you a no-fault, no-feelings-hurt way to back out if you aren’t feeling or connecting with the other person.
What are some parameters that can be set during UC?
UC should be negotiated just like any other part of BDSM. You can negotiate time, limits, expectations, needs, wants, rules, protocol, sexual activity, and goals.
For example, you can negotiate a time limit like this: “We will have a period of UC for one month. One month from now, we will renegotiate to see if we need to extend it, terminate it, or evaluate our next step.” Please keep in mind if you have a time frame set and you want to back out prior, you can do that anytime you feel you need to.
Is a UC period required?
No, it is not required. But I think it’s very beneficial to have a UC period.
Who can end UC?
Anyone involved in under consideration can end the UC period. Do NOT just leave without talking to your partner. Ghosting can be very harmful, and as difficult as it is to end a UC period, respect is important. And if they were willing to try the UC period with you, then they have earned the right to be told that you don’t think it’s what you are looking for.
Is a consideration collar necessary for UC?
Absolutely not. However, it can add a wonderful element to an under consideration period.
Under Consideration is an excellent, useful tool to help grow a strong foundation for a potential BDSM dynamic. Taking your time with getting to know someone is never a bad thing. Use the resources you have available and protect yourself instead of jumping in blindly. Next time you find a potential, consider under consideration. It can make the connection that much better. And always remember, be kinky and stay curious!
