BDSM protocol is all about behaviors. In BDSM, it can be used in so many different ways that it can be difficult to understand or grasp, but protocol can be very valuable and rewarding. So what is it? Let’s find out.
What is protocol in BDSM?
Protocol is a predetermined way for one to behave in a specific time, place, or occasion.
There are three different levels/types of protocol: low protocol, medium protocol, and high protocol. These levels set the expected formality for a designated time, place, or occasion.
- Low protocol is behavior that is casual but still follows the rules that have been set and agreed on between partners. It is being respectful, but it doesn’t include formality. Low protocol is generally used outside of a scene or in a normal, everyday (vanilla) setting. Low protocol is a relaxed allowance from your typical, expected formality, but continues to remain respectful and honors the determined power exchange between partners.
- Medium protocol is behavior that is focused on actions and manners. Attention is on BDSM responsibilities and expectations. Medium protocol is usually in effect at a BDSM event or location, and also during a play scene. Honorifics, or a respectful title that is used to call a Dominant something other than their given name, are generally medium protocol occurrences. Sir, Ma’am, Master, Mistress, My Lord, and My Lady are some common titles but are not the only titles that one may use as an honorific. Medium protocol is generally your everyday expectations and formalities set for your dynamic. Protocol is relative. What you consider low, medium, or high protocol is based on your norm and may be different for someone else.
- High protocol is formal behavior and etiquette. Attention is on movement, posture, speech, eye contact, and behavior. High Protocol (Hp) is generally used for high protocol events or specific, specified high protocol scenarios. Hp is having your full focus and attention on formal behaviors and manners. High protocol takes practice and is not something someone generally jumps into with no previous teaching or training.
What is an invisible protocol?
Invisible protocols are all about discretion in a vanilla place or around vanilla people, including kids. They are discreetly being active in your dynamic, even in places where other people are unaware of the power exchange between you and your partner. A specific discreet honorific can also be assigned and used in the place of your usual one.
It could be as simple as the submissive wearing an article of clothing or color that the Dominant picked out. Or it could be the submissive waiting for the Dominant to begin to eat before they do. Another example may be walking behind the Dominant and letting the Dominant open the door. The submissive then walks through the doorway and steps to the side. They wait for the Dominant to enter before they fall back in line behind the Dominant. (The reason for this is that the Dominant is the first one to greet someone. Also, if someone were to approach and ask something, they are the one who is presented with the question or choice, instead of the submissive.)
Why are protcols important?
Protocols help determine and set the expected level of formality, and they keep everyone’s expectations on the same page. Protocols also help distinguish power exchange even outside of a scene.
Where can protocols be used?
Protocols can be used anywhere, any time, and any place as long as the protocols are negotiated before and agreed upon. Don’t forget a safeword should be used if a protocol threatens a limit you may have.
How does one set up protocols?
Negotiate and discuss all protocols. Negotiate and discuss when, where, and how long all protocols are expected to be followed. Do not assume one knows what is expected. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
What is a high protocol dynamic?
Some people enjoy the expectations and challenges of high protocol so much that they incorporate some of the higher protocol behaviors into their everyday dynamic.
What are some high protocol things someone can incorporate into their dynamic?
To add high protocol elements to a dynamic, you can incorporate permissions, like needing to get permission from the Dominant before completing an action, for example, furniture permissions or bathroom permissions. Ask permission before being able to sit in a chair or on a piece of furniture. Ask permission before using the restroom. (Set up a fail-safe with this. I.e., If no response within 5 mins of asking, assume permission has been granted. Also, do not participate in this protocol if any existing medical conditions that affect the bladder exist.) You can set up permissions for many things: getting dressed, getting into bed, eating or drinking, entering a room, or even asking for another spanking, etc.
Other Hp dynamic elements can include etiquette expectations. For example, the submissive gets the Dominant a drink. When they bring the Dominant their drink, they are expected to lower their eyes, bend at the waist in a bow, and extend the drink towards the Dominant while waiting for them to take the drink. I’ve also seen this action altered to have the submissive kneel, lower their eyes, and extend the drink towards the Dominant.
High protocol dynamics should be discussed thoroughly and negotiated and renegotiated often. I’ve seen instances where people who enjoy the idea of high protocol have tried to incorporate it into their dynamic and struggle with it because it’s too demanding. So make sure you communicate what you struggle with regarding HP.
How do I know if low, medium, or high protocol is expected?
If it’s regarding a BDSM event, the event will state high protocol if high protocol is expected. As far as medium protocol, I’d advise that if no protocol is listed for an event, go with medium protocol.
If it’s regarding a dynamic, then it’s the Dominant’s responsibility to make sure the submissive understands what kind of protocol is expected for when, where, and how long.
It’s important to add that you might not like some of the examples I’ve listed, but you may still enjoy high protocol. The protocol that your dynamic takes part in is up to you and your partner(s).
High protocol is a fantastic way to help maintain roles and power exchange. As well as helping one know what’s expected when and where. Don’t let the facade of high protocol scare you away from implementing elements into your dynamic. It might be exactly what you need. And remember, be kinky and stay curious!
