The names we use within BDSM can carry a lot more meaning than we sometimes realize. Whether it’s an honorific used for a Dominant or a special name given to a submissive, what we call one another can become an important part of how we express our roles and relationships.
Let’s take a closer look at honorifics and pet names in BDSM, how they’re used, and how you can find something that feels like your own.
How Are Names Used in BDSM Dynamics?
Honorifics are names used to acknowledge someone’s role or position within a BDSM dynamic. Sir, Miss, Master, Mistress, Daddy, and Mommy are some of the most recognizable examples, but they’re far from the only options.
Within a D/s dynamic, an honorific can become another way to put the power exchange into action. Calling someone Sir, for example, isn’t simply replacing their name with another word. It acknowledges their position as the Dominant and shows respect for the authority they hold within the relationship.
Not every name used within a dynamic is technically an honorific either. Dominants may give their submissives pet names or nicknames that represent affection, ownership, their role, or simply something personal between them. Dominants can also have titles that are unique to their dynamic rather than using a traditional BDSM honorific.
Of course, you don’t have to use honorifics or titles at all. Some people love the formality and meaning they can bring to a dynamic, while others are perfectly happy using first names or everyday pet names.
Like most things in BDSM, what matters is finding what works for your dynamic.
Why Do People Use Honorifics in BDSM?
Honorifics can play several roles within a D/s dynamic, but for me, one of the most important ones is respect.
Using an honorific acknowledges the roles each person holds within the relationship and puts the power exchange into action. When a submissive calls their dominant Sir, Miss, Daddy, or another chosen title, they’re acknowledging the authority they’ve agreed to give that person.
Honorifics can also help reinforce headspace. Sometimes something as simple as hearing or saying a particular title can remind you of your role and bring you back into that D/s mindset.
How they’re used will depend on the dynamic. Some people use honorifics naturally throughout the day, while others make them part of their protocol and have specific expectations around when or how they’re used.
Ultimately, the word itself isn’t what gives an honorific its power. The meaning comes from the relationship and the power exchange behind it.
Who Chooses a Dominant’s Honorific?
There isn’t one rule for how a Dominant’s honorific should be chosen.
Some Dominants already know exactly what they want to be called. They may have used the same honorific for years, or simply have a title that feels right to them. If that’s the case, their submissive should respect that preference and use the honorific they’ve chosen.
Other Dominants may already have an established honorific but still choose something more personal with their submissive. That doesn’t necessarily replace the title everyone else uses. It can simply become something that belongs specifically to their dynamic.
Don’t be afraid to experiment either. A title can sound perfect in your head and feel completely wrong the first time you hear your submissive say it. Try something else. Sometimes it takes a little playing around before you find the one that actually feels right.
And just because a title is commonly associated with your role doesn’t mean you have to like it. I’m not a fan of Mommy or Mistress, so I don’t allow people to call me either one. Whereas another Dominant may absolutely love them.
At the end of the day, there isn’t one “right” honorific. It just needs to feel right for the Dominant and the dynamic.
What Should You Call a Dominant You’re Not in a Dynamic With?
Being a Dominant doesn’t automatically mean someone wants everyone they meet to call them Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, or another title.
Some Dominants have a public honorific they prefer people outside of their dynamics to use. Personally, I use Miss or Ma’am. They’re respectful without suggesting a more personal relationship or authority that I haven’t given someone.
Honorifics like Sir, Miss, or Ma’am are commonly used as signs of respect both inside and outside of BDSM, so they may feel less personal than something like Master, Mistress, Daddy, or Mommy. That doesn’t mean every Dominant will be comfortable with them, though. Everyone has their own preferences about what they do and don’t want to be called.
Some honorifics can also carry a much more personal meaning. Calling someone Daddy simply because they’re a Daddy Dom, for example, may cross a boundary if that’s a title they only allow their own submissive to use.
If you aren’t sure what a Dominant prefers to be called, ask. You don’t lose anything by asking, “What would you like me to call you?” It’s much more respectful than assuming based on their role.
Can an Honorific Be Personal to a Dynamic?
Absolutely. In fact, some of the most meaningful honorifics are the ones that belong specifically to a dynamic.
A Dominant may have one honorific they use publicly and another that’s reserved just for their submissive. For example, maybe a Dominant is known throughout their community as Master Paul. That’s what friends, other submissives, and people within the community call him. Within his personal dynamic, however, his submissive calls him Captain. Master Paul is still his established honorific, but Captain is something that belongs specifically to the two of them.
Personally, I’ve had titles that I only allow my submissive to call me. I wouldn’t let anyone else use them because they’re something that belongs specifically to us. If I have more than one submissive, I may even use different honorifics within each dynamic. I also give each submissive their own pet name rather than using the same one for everyone. I like those names to feel personal to the individual and the relationship we have together.
For me, that goes both ways. A pet name can represent affection, ownership, personality, or simply become something special between the two of you. Finding the one that fits a particular submissive is actually one of my favorite parts of building a new dynamic.
And those names don’t have to make sense to anyone else. They might come from an inside joke, a personality trait, another language, or something you stumbled across and simply liked.
Sometimes what makes a name special isn’t the word itself. It’s the fact that it’s yours.
What Are Some Honorifics and Titles for Dominants?
Sir, Ma’am, Miss, Master, Mistress, Daddy, and Mommy are some of the most common honorifics you’ll hear in BDSM, but they aren’t your only options.
Sometimes finding the right honorific means looking beyond traditional BDSM titles and finding a word that represents something you connect with.
If the traditional options don’t feel quite right, there are plenty of other places to look. Here are 20 honorifics and titles you might not have considered:
- Regent – Associated with ruling, leadership, and authority.
- Sage – Represents wisdom, knowledge, and guidance.
- Domina – Latin for “lady” or “mistress,” with a strong connection to feminine authority.
- Captain – Associated with leadership, direction, and being in command.
- Titan – Represents strength, power, and something larger than life.
- Magnus – Latin for “great,” with a strong and commanding feel.
- Vizier – A historic title for a high-ranking adviser or official, associated with influence and authority.
- Siren – Associated with allure, temptation, and danger.
- Viper – Associated with danger, control, and a predatory edge.
- Vixen – Associated with confidence, seduction, and a mischievous edge.
- Rex – Latin for “king,” giving it a natural connection to leadership and rule.
- Caesar – Associated with leadership, command, and power.
- Alpha – Associated with leadership, dominance, and being at the top of a hierarchy.
- God / Goddess – Centers the title around reverence, devotion, and ultimate authority.
- Liege – A traditional title tied to loyalty, allegiance, and service.
- Lady / Lord – Traditional titles associated with status, respect, and authority.
- Empress – Associated with feminine power, rule, and authority.
- Chief – Short and simple, with a strong association with leadership.
- Sarge – A shortened form of Sergeant that carries associations with command, discipline, and authority.
- Headmaster / Headmistress – Titles associated with authority, structure, and discipline.
You don’t have to choose something directly from a list like this. Personally, I like using lists as a starting point. Sometimes a word catches my attention because of how it sounds. Other times, I like what it represents, even if I don’t necessarily want to use that particular word.
The goal is simply to find something that makes you stop and think, I like something about that. From there, you can start figuring out what that something is.
What Are Some Titles and Pet Names for Submissives?
Dominants aren’t the only ones who can have a name that reflects their place within a dynamic. Submissive titles and pet names can represent affection, ownership, personality, submission, or simply become something personal between a Dominant and their submissive.
Pet names don’t have to be sweet or affectionate, either. For those who enjoy consensual degradation, words that would normally be insulting can become established pet names within the dynamic.
There really aren’t many rules for what a pet name can be. Here are 20 very different options to show you what I mean:
- Bunny – Soft, affectionate, and playful.
- Kitten – Affectionate and playful, with an easy connection to pet dynamics.
- Pet – Simple and directly connected to ownership and belonging.
- Darling – Warm and affectionate without being tied to a particular role.
- Princess – Can feel affectionate, pampering, teasing, or even a little bratty.
- Doll – Can carry elements of affection, ownership, control, or appearance.
- Angel – Sweet and affectionate, but can also be used a little ironically.
- Poppet – An affectionate term with a slightly old-fashioned and distinctive feel.
- Lamb – Soft and gentle, with associations of innocence and vulnerability.
- Cricket – Playful and cute, with an unusual feel that can easily become personal.
- Amour – French for “love,” giving it a romantic and intimate feel.
- Muse – Someone who inspires or captivates you.
- Minx – Mischievous, flirtatious, and playful.
- Nugget – Silly and affectionate, and a good reminder that a pet name doesn’t have to sound kinky to become meaningful.
- Runt – Can carry a teasing or degrading edge, particularly around size or status.
- Mutt – A rougher, pet-inspired name with elements of degradation and ownership.
- Slut – A degrading pet name that can take on a very different meaning when it’s intentionally embraced within a dynamic.
- Whore – A harsher degradation-based option for those who enjoy that kind of language within their power exchange.
- Bitch – Can feel degrading, possessive, teasing, or even affectionate depending on the dynamic.
- Slave – A role-based title that can also become the primary way someone is addressed within a dynamic.
How you use a pet name can also completely change how it feels. Adding something as simple as an adjective or possessive word can make the same title feel softer, more affectionate, more possessive, or more degrading.
“Good night, my slave” can feel very different from “Good night, slave.” “Come here, you needy slut” carries a different tone than simply saying, “Come here, slut.”
The title hasn’t changed. The language surrounding it has. Don’t be afraid to play with that too.
The right pet name doesn’t necessarily need an obvious connection to submission. Sometimes it fits because of your submissive’s personality, something that happened between you, or simply because you called them something one day and it stuck.
A list like this is only a starting point. You can borrow an idea, change it, translate it, combine it with something else, or use it to figure out what you actually want the name to represent.
How Do You Create Your Own Honorific or Pet Name?
Sometimes the right honorific or pet name isn’t something you’ll find neatly written on a list.
Personally, I love browsing long lists of names and titles when I’m looking for inspiration. I’m not expecting every name to work. Most of them won’t. I’m simply looking for something that catches my attention or gives me an idea I can build from.
Start by thinking about what you want the name to represent. Do you want something that feels authoritative, nurturing, possessive, playful, protective, affectionate, formal, or completely unique to your relationship? Even having a general idea of what you want the name to feel like can give you somewhere to start.
From there, explore. Look up synonyms for words you like. Browse mythology, historical titles, animals, fictional characters, or names with meanings that catch your attention. Think about your partner’s personality, interests, quirks, and things that are meaningful within your relationship.
I also love exploring words in other languages. If I like what a word represents but don’t necessarily like the word itself, I’ll search for it in different languages and look through related words until something catches my attention. Just make sure you double-check the actual meaning and context before deciding to use it.
And don’t be afraid to change what you find. Change the spelling, shorten it, combine two ideas, or let one word lead you to something completely different. You aren’t trying to pass a vocabulary test. You’re trying to find something that feels right for your dynamic.
Before you decide the final name, say it out loud. A title can look amazing written down and feel incredibly awkward the first time you actually use it. Try it. Use it for a while. See how it feels when your submissive says it to you or when you use a new pet name for them.
Sometimes you’ll know immediately that you’ve found the right one. Other times, the name that eventually becomes yours may be something you never would have thought of in the first place.
Can Titles and Pet Names Change?
Absolutely. The name that fits your dynamic today doesn’t have to be the name you use forever.
Dynamics change over time, and the names you use can change with them. A title that felt perfect in the beginning may eventually stop fitting. You may also find that a more personal name develops naturally as the relationship grows.
Sometimes changing a title can represent a bigger change within the dynamic. Maybe roles have changed, the level of commitment or ownership has deepened, or the structure of the relationship looks different than it did before. A new title can become a way of recognizing that change.
On the other hand, changing or removing an established title can carry a lot of weight. If an honorific has become connected to someone’s role or place within the dynamic, taking it away can send a pretty powerful message. That’s not something I’d suggest doing casually.
Of course, it doesn’t always have to be that deep. Sometimes you try a name for a while and realize you just don’t like it. That’s okay too.
If something doesn’t feel right anymore, change it. The names you use should feel like they belong in the dynamic you have now, not the one you had six months or three years ago.
There isn’t one honorific, title, or pet name that’s right for every dynamic. What matters isn’t how common, formal, or obviously kinky the name sounds. It’s what that name represents to the people using it.
Sometimes the right name isn’t special because of what the word means. It’s special because of who uses it and who they use it for. And as always, be kinky and stay curious.
Continue Learning About Roles and Power Exchange
Honorifics and pet names are just one way roles can take shape within a dynamic. These guides explore some of the other ways Dominants and submissives can build and reinforce their power exchange.
- Domination and Submission – Explore the roles of Dominants and submissives and how power exchange works within a D/s dynamic.
- BDSM Protocol – Learn how expectations, rituals, language, and behavior can be used to reinforce roles within a dynamic.
- BDSM Collars – Explore how collars can represent commitment, ownership, roles, and personal meaning within BDSM.
- Humiliation vs Degradation – Learn how degrading language can be used consensually and why meaning, intention, and individual preferences matter.
