BDSM is acceptance.  It’s acceptance of your pleasures, your likes, your wants, and your needs.  It can be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be.  It’s so much more than just a way to make someone or yourself orgasm.  It can be strictly play in the bedroom (or wherever you like to play), but it can also be a lifestyle, with structure that plays into daily life. 

Ok, let’s break it down.  BDSM is an “umbrella term” for many different aspects of Kink.  BDSM is an acronym that stands for multiple terms: Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.  I’ve even seen someone add in Slave and Master (though these aren’t usually taught as being apart of the acronym)

What do these terms mean?

Bondage: binding, tying, or restraining a partner (or yourself if you partake in self-bondage) for pleasure.

Discipline: behavioral training by a partner with a specific goal in mind

Domination: having mental, physical, or emotional control of a partner for the pleasure of both/all parties

Submission: giving mental, physical, or emotional control to a partner for the pleasure of both/all parties

Sadism: receiving pleasure by watching or giving someone mental, physical, or emotional pain

Masochism: (pronounced mass·uh·kiz·em) taking pleasure in receiving mental, physical, or emotional pain

Slave: someone who finds comfort in giving all of their control to a dominant partner (usually a Master)

Master: someone who enjoys having complete control over their submissive partner (usually a slave)

Who can participate in BDSM?

Anyone who is legally a consenting adult, at least 18 years old.  Why 18 or older? Because, in most places, anyone under the age of 18 can’t legally consent.

Is BDSM abusive?

No, not when practiced in a safe, consensual manner, but we’ll get into that in other posts. Eg. This article on BDSM vs abuse

If I decide to try BDSM, do I have to try everything?

Absolutely not.  Only try what appeals to you and what you are comfortable with.  Never let anyone try to convince you to try something until you are completely sure you are ready to try it.  

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The most important thing to remember when exploring BDSM is to take your time.  Don’t get overwhelmed by all the different aspects that are available.  Make sure you understand what is being asked or expected of you so that you can consent in a safe and informed way. And remember, be kinky and stay curious!

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