Ask Me Anything

The only bad question is the one not asked.

Is there something you’ve always wondered, but been too scared to ask? Well, now’s your chance. Ask me anything you would like to know about Kink or BDSM, and I will do my best to answer or point you in the right direction. And don’t worry, all questions are anonymous!

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Curiosities So Far...

  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on April 25, 2023 10:44 pm
    How often should a Dom be talking to a submissive in the beginning
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on April 26, 2023 9:30 am
      This is a personal preference, and is determined on a lot of different factors. What are the intentions of the Dom or sub? Are they interested in pursuing a dynamic or just wanting to get to know each other? How much time a day does each party have to focus on this interest? Communication is a two way street. If you are wanting to pursue a dynamic with a partner, Dom or sub, then you should communicate regularly and often. How else are you going to get to know them?
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on April 25, 2023 10:47 am
    Hello! I've found out recently that I'm very much into the predator / prey dynamic, but I can't just tell my boyfriend to start hunting me down. Do you know of any, more practical, ways to implement this? I mainly want to feel that adrenaline rush from fear.
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on April 25, 2023 11:11 am
      My question for you would be, is your boyfriend into kink or is he completely vanilla? Because this is a huge factor that would dictate what approach to take when it comes to communicating your desires. In general you need to talk to him about what you're looking for and wanting to get out of a play scene or session. Does he know what Primal is or would you need to introduce the whole concept? You could always water it down. For example you could use a common analogy, like Sylvester the cat always on the hunt, trying to capture Tweety Bird. Regardless of how you decide to approach the topic, communication is key. Talking about your desires with your partner is crucial to having a safe and fun scene.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on April 16, 2023 7:56 am
    I like dominating my wife and she loves the submissive role but I would rather us me more switch as I enjoy when a woman takes control as my exwife did at times. This isn’t something my wife now wants to do? Is there anything to do to make her more comfortable? I definitely don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t want to do here, but still… I get turned on when a woman takes charge and pretty much uses me and doesn’t care about my needs.
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on April 25, 2023 11:22 am

      It is important you discuss your desires with each other. Sometimes, partner desires don’t line up perfectly, especially if you explore after you are together. Talk to her about what you would like, but also listen to her side as well. Unfortunately you can’t change someone’s identity in Kink, if they aren’t a Switch. Having a submissive try to be a Dominate or vice versa is a decision they have to make. And if they aren’t open to it or are uncomfortable with the idea, then there’s not much you can do to convert them.

      But that doesn’t mean that’s your only option. You can always discuss reaching out to a 3rd party with your partner. Having a play partner in person or online might suffice. Sometimes just planting an idea seed and giving it time to grow can help give someone the time and the curiosity to consider trying something new. But at the end of the day, talk about it. And see if there’s anything that can be negotiated.

  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on February 23, 2023 11:54 pm
    I've been trying to find the name of a version of kink, that I can only really describe as 'romantic', a lot of kinks I enjoy are found under things like bdsm and abdl but I'm not really interested in the masochistic or sadistic parts, or any of the parts involving pain, but I love so many kinky things, like a want pet play where they put a collar on you as a promise to take care of you, I like latex suits and being restrained, but not the whole making you hurt part that comes up in so much stuff you try to look up, but where the kink and the restraint is more of a promise and a showing of vulnerability, like when you look up kink art so much of it is masochistic and sadistic, I want the sweet parts where its 'oh you want to be dressed up and played with but are to scared to admit it? what if I just tie you up and do it to you? your not gonna complain are you? no? good.' that kind, where its sweet and intimate and kinky. what is that called? what tag would I search to find such things instead of digging thru so much other stuff to find the few gems, I want teasing, and toys, and vibrators, and harnesses, and being tied up, latex suits, pet play, age digression, feminization, getting railed, being trained and seeing how big of a toy one can take, how long can one stand to be in chastity, but I also want romance, and platonic-ish activities, not sadism and masochism or degradation. is this a thing? 'romantic kink'? what is this called? I want to be dressed up and feminized, but in a loving way, like being dressed up for a girls day out, but also made to wear high heels with locks to learn to walk in them and put in a corset and chastity, does this make sense? I get the feeling I'm being wordy and not very clear, I would be so thankful if you could answer this, is there a name for this romantic version of kink?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on February 24, 2023 7:54 am

      Hello,

      You are looking for Sensual Domination. It heavily relies on the senses instead of triggering pain. For example using blindfolds, restraints, lingerie, ice cubes, or even submissive positions like kneeling. It involves praise and rewards (when earned of course), instead of humiliation and degradation. Sensual Domination is a softer, more romantic form of BDSM. I think if you start here, you’ll find more of what you’re looking for.

  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on December 26, 2022 1:04 pm
    Hello. Me and my boyfriend are very new at D/s. (6 mos) He is the Dom and I the sub. I am a strong willed women, untrusting, controlling and have experienced some emotional sexual trauma in my life. Since I started bdsm with my Dom, I am submissive to him, attentive and want his attention, and I always want to please him and make him happy. He is loving, caring, consistent, and doesn't let me get away with anything. He makes me feel safe and secure. The issue is I sometimes (2x times) have suppressed emotional past memories that get triggered, mostly feeling trapped and anxious, and I will push them down and not use my safe word in fear I will disappoint my Dom and I feel I am breaking the mood and I want to so much please him. He and I talked about it and he is supportive and shown me if I use my safe word. He we stop. I have used it once and he did. I trust him, but when these triggers arise I can't seem to get passed them to say my safe word. I know it isn't fair to him and he can't trust me if I dont use it when I need to. How does a sub move pasted this? is there something you could suggest? thank you JAM
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on December 27, 2022 6:06 pm
      Hello JAM, This is a wonderful question and a common thing. This comes down to past triggers, how to get past them, how to communicate them, and how to navigate safety with them. As far as the past triggers go, they will always be there. You can't make them completely disappear, but you can learn to manage them. The only way to really get past them is to practice. The more you face them, the easier it will get to handle them in the way you want to. Communication is 100% the key in how to navigate them during play. And I'm not just talking about communicating during play. You need to talk about it, in depth. Explain the trigger. Explain how it makes you feel. Explain why you think you might feel that way. Explain your fear around the trigger. Explain how you handle the trigger and how you would want to handle it in the future. Talk about aftercare things that would help calm you after you've been triggered. Listen to your Dom for any input. This is very important. If you want to heal and get past these triggers, then this type of communication is necessary. Now let's talk about safety. Sometimes when you are triggered or overstimulated or even overwhelmed, being verbal is difficult. There are ways to convey that you need a break, need a check-in, or that you are not ok without speaking a word. Non-verbal safe words are a great way to tip off that something may be wrong. You could use hand signals. You could have your Dominant place his fingers against your palm and have you squeeze his fingers: 1 for good, 2 for bad. You could hold onto an item that makes noise. You could either rattle or drop it to initiate a check in. There are so many options that don't use verbal cues to help ensure safety. But the most important thing of all, is be lenient with yourself and give it time. The more you play and the more you trust, the quieter the triggers will become. Kink isn't just about play. It's about growth too. And sometimes growing pains can tag along.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on December 7, 2022 3:00 pm
    hi, this is MicahSPH again, can I be a submissive, "Service Topping" and remain straight?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on December 9, 2022 8:45 am
      Hello MichahSPH again, Your kinks do not determine your sexual orientation. Can they influence them? Of course. But they do not determine them. You can be submissive and be straight. You can also Service Top for your Dominant or Play Partner and be straight. Just because people who are not straight enjoy might enjoy some of the kinks that you do, doesn't mean that it changes anything about your sexual preferences.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on December 7, 2022 1:16 pm
    I want to explore chastity but everything I read it wants to feminize me. I might enjoy ass play but I do not want to take part in any feminization. Is it possible to pursue this and not end up a cuckold or fag? Thank you, MicahSPH
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on December 9, 2022 8:39 am
      While a lot of kinks can be clumped together because in general, people tend to enjoy common kinks that are related to specific kinks. But that doesn't mean you have to like all the kinks that seem to accompany a kink you enjoy. So, you absolutely can enjoy chastity but not enjoy feminization. Just make sure you are open and honest about your likes, dislikes, and limits. Because one might assume that you enjoy common kinks that tend to pair up with chastity. Also make sure that you find a partner who understands your wants and needs and won't push your limits that you have no interest exploring.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on August 23, 2022 8:53 am
    I am possibly getting into an online temp dynamic in the near future. I am new to this in the online realm. What are some tasks a Dom could give his sub in this dynamic?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on August 24, 2022 2:31 pm
      Congrats on your possible new online dynamic. Online dynamics can have lots of rules and tasks. But the most important part is that you don't agree to do something that you aren't comfortable with or are iffy about. Communicate. Tasks can fall into a range of lots of different categories. You can have tasks that are based on appearance, food/drink, exercise, journaling, daily routine, rewards, BDSM play, sexual play...really anything. Anything that the sub might need help with, might want more structure with, might enjoy doing, can all be tasks. You are only limited by the imagination of those in the dynamic. (Yes a submissive can help a Dom structure their tasks or give ideas if the Dom allows). My article on Rules and Tasks gives examples of specific tasks that can be given if you are wanting more ideas.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on August 19, 2022 7:15 am
    Hi my name is Jon is the UK website mistresses I like to know how do I become a slave
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on August 19, 2022 7:31 am
      Hello Jon. I don't understand what you mean by the UK website. But I can give some advice about becoming a slave. Rule #1: you need to research and learn about what being a slave means. You need to research and understand the difference between reality and fantasy. You might like the idea of being told what to do and not have to make choices, but in reality...would you really? You need to understand what you wants, needs, and limits are. This will give you the best opportunity to find a partner that fits you the best. After that, then you can safely begin to look for a match. Good luck!
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on August 19, 2022 7:24 am
      Hello Jon. I don't understand what you mean by the UK website. But I can give some advice about becoming a slave. Rule #1: you need to research and learn about what being a slave means. You need to research and understand the difference between reality and fantasy. You might like the idea of being told what to do and not have to make choices, but in reality...would you really? You need to understand what you wants, needs, and limits are. This will give you the best opportunity to find a partner that fits you the best. After that, then you can begin to look for a match.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on August 14, 2022 1:59 pm
    Sissy is a kink not a gender.  It is a kink that revolves around demasculinization.  But you don't have to be cis male to be masculine.  So anyone who falls into this category and enjoys this kink could be a Sissy.