The only bad question is the one not asked.
Is there something you’ve always wondered, but been too scared to ask? Well, now’s your chance. Ask me anything you would like to know about Kink or BDSM, and I will do my best to answer or point you in the right direction. And don’t worry, all questions are anonymous!
Curiosities So Far...
Hi Jesse,
I can’t tell you whether you should be in permanent chastity. That isn’t something I can decide for you.
If chastity is something you personally enjoy or feel drawn to, you can explore it, even on your own. Many people do that to better understand what they’re into before involving a partner.
There’s no rule that says you’re supposed to be in permanent chastity. Whether you cage yourself or not is your decision unless and until you’re in a dynamic where it’s mutually desired. Kink is about choice, not obligation.
This comes up a lot, so I’ll keep it simple.
Sexual orientation is about attraction to people, not specific acts.
Enjoying your own body isn’t the same as being attracted to men.
Being turned on by men doing those same things to you is.
That’s the distinction.
Technically, yes, but the hang-up here is the word relationship. Any ongoing interaction with someone is a relationship in some sense. Friends are relationships. Work is a relationship. What’s being discussed here is a professional BDSM dynamic, not a romantic one.
A Dominatrix is a professional Dominant, so when someone seeks domination, feminization, or sissy play, that dynamic exists as a paid exchange. It does involve dominance and submission, but it isn’t the same as a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship, and it also isn’t the same as a personal or lifestyle Dom/sub dynamic. It’s negotiated, structured, consensual, and transactional, with clear boundaries on both sides.
Hello,
Shy bladder is a lot more common than most people think, especially when you’re trying something brand new that asks the body to relax on command. Even if she’s excited and willing, the mix of pressure, nerves, and being watched can make her body freeze up. It doesn’t mean she isn’t into it, it just means her system needs a little time to adjust.One of the easiest ways to help is to take the pressure off the moment. A warm shower with the water running is perfect for that. The sound and the heat help the body relax, and she won’t feel as “on display.” You can keep things light, playful, and low-stakes while her body gets used to the idea. With patience and no expectations to “perform,” most people find their comfort and confidence grow naturally.
It is absolutely understandable why you want your wife to be supportive, because feeling accepted by your partner matters. It is not wrong to want that support, but support does not always mean participation, especially when someone has little to no interest in kink. A lot of her hesitation likely comes from stigma and fear rather than anything about you. Because kink is so mental, asking her to explore your submissive side before she is ready can make her uncomfortable on a deep level, and it may shut down her desire completely.
You are not wrong for wanting this, and she is not wrong for stepping back from something that does not fit who she is. Kinks cannot be pushed on someone, even gently. What the two of you need most right now is open conversation without pressure. This gives her room to ask questions, get more comfortable with the idea of what it would involve, and share her feelings without worrying that she is responsible for a kink that does not feel natural to her. With time and honest communication, she may become more open to trying it, but that choice has to be hers.
I would recommend checking out a few different articles that I have posted. Specifically the Safety, Consent, & Communication category as well as the Foundations & Framework. There are articles on safety, communication, and structure that might point you in the right direction.