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The only bad question is the one not asked.

Is there something you’ve always wondered, but been too scared to ask? Well, now’s your chance. Ask me anything you would like to know about Kink or BDSM, and I will do my best to answer or point you in the right direction. And don’t worry, all questions are anonymous!

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Curiosities So Far...

  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on November 20, 2024 10:59 pm
    Can you provide an example of a BDSM contract for switches. I'm trying to figure out a good format for one, and the only ones I see are for Dom and sub contracts.
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on November 22, 2024 5:36 pm
      When creating a BDSM contract for switches, the focus is on flexibility, balance, and making sure both partners feel supported. Unlike traditional Dominant/submissive contracts, a switch dynamic needs something that reflects the ability to alternate roles. A good contract should make it clear who will take on which role and when, while still allowing room for spontaneity and adjustment. It’s important to include responsibilities for both the Dominant and submissive roles, with an emphasis on trust, respect, and safety, no matter who’s in charge during a scene. Adding sections on pre-scene negotiations, limits, and aftercare helps keep consent and emotional well-being at the center of your dynamic. A well-thought-out contract doesn’t have to be formal or rigid. It should be collaborative, easy to update, and designed to make your dynamic clear, safe, and enjoyable for both partners. --- A crude example may look something like this:--- ### **Switch Dynamic Agreement**__ This agreement is between [Partner 1] and [Partner 2], signed on [Date]. The goal is to set clear expectations, respect boundaries, and keep our dynamic safe and enjoyable as we explore switching roles. This isn’t legally binding, it’s just a way to make sure we’re on the same page.__ We both agree to take turns as Dominant and submissive, deciding who’s in which role before any scene. To keep things safe and comfortable, here are our limits:__ - **Hard Limits (Off-Limits Activities):** [Partner 1’s Hard Limits] [Partner 2’s Hard Limits] - **Soft Limits (Activities Requiring Extra Discussion):** [Partner 1’s Soft Limits] [Partner 2’s Soft Limits]__ We’ll use safewords during scenes to make sure communication stays clear. The safeword to pause is [Insert Word], and the safeword to stop completely is [Insert Word]. Both of us commit to respecting these safewords, no exceptions. __ Whoever is in the Dominant role will focus on safety, clear communication, and respecting limits. Whoever is in the submissive role will communicate honestly, provide feedback, and use safewords if needed. Aftercare is just as important to both of us, so here’s what we each need after a scene:__ - [Partner 1’s Aftercare Needs] - [Partner 2’s Aftercare Needs]__ We’ll check in and review this agreement every [Timeframe, e.g., 3 months] to make sure it still works for both of us. Either of us can bring up changes or adjustments anytime. We also agree to keep the details of our dynamic private unless we both decide otherwise.__ By signing this, we’re committing to creating a fun, safe, and respectful dynamic where we both feel heard and supported.__ **Signatures:** [Partner 1 Name] _______________________ Date: __________ [Partner 2 Name] _______________________ Date: __________
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on November 20, 2024 1:44 am
    My boyfriend and I have seemed to have stumbled into a non-contract BDSM relationship. This involves me acting as a Mommy in a lifestyle setting, and him as the "little boy". In the beginning of our relationship it was split where each of us would take on a parental role. How do I introduce the idea of having a proper BDSM dynamic, and changing some roles, when we have seemed to have created a dynamic naturally?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on November 20, 2024 6:40 am
      Things like this happen quite often. And honestly, it's a pretty easy fix. You both need to sit down and communicate. You need to renegotiate the relationship, roles, and expectations that you currently have and realign them to the ways you both want. Discuss what you like and what you don't like. Discuss what you need and what you don't need. And also listen. Listen to your partner and listen to their wants and needs too. Working together can help both of you build and shape your relationship from what you have now, to one that fits your desires better. And also, be mindful that things can get out of alignment easily. So when you feel things start to get off, renegotiate to realign. Don't ignore the issues because that only lets them grow and can sometimes become unmanageable. Remember, it’s all about staying proactive. Talk to each other, address issues early, and make adjustments as needed. When you keep communication open and work together, you’ll build a relationship that keeps evolving to meet both your needs and desires.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on November 3, 2024 12:19 pm
    how do you keep online relationships versus irl relationships separate
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on November 3, 2024 2:32 pm
      To answer this I'd need an example of what's going on to figure out how to address the actual issue. Without more details, I would say communicate. Talk to all parties involved and set clear boundaries (and structure) regarding what is expected to happen when and where ..be it online or in person.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on September 22, 2024 10:59 pm
    As a Domme, if my friend is a sub on trial, uncollared, and her needs aren't being met, and she wants to be my sub, because the trust is there, what is proper protocol? If I also reached out to her perspective Domme, with no response as well?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on September 24, 2024 11:01 am
      This is a situation where she needs to speak to the Dom she is on trial with. She needs to either advise them that her needs are not getting met and then work with them to address those issues, OR advise them that the trial is not working for her and she is stepping away and ending it. That way she would be free to submit to you with no attachments. Just as you would expect her to communicate with you in your dynamic, she has to communicate with the Dom she is on trial with now. As a sub, it's important that she advocates for herself.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on August 8, 2024 4:09 am
    Hi there, I've just started acknowledging I'm a dominant if that's the right term for a new person. I'm intensely drawn to it and to subs. A sub recently approached me and I'm feeling completely useless to the point I'm rejecting her. Not her fault. It's on me. But I feel like I'm navigating through a thick forest getting lost. I don't want to hurry my journey and I'm actually nervous about it all. I feel a non sexual mentor is what I need but being a complete introvert I don't know where or how to even find one I can trust to guide and help me grow. I'm struggling. How do I find a mentor.
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on August 14, 2024 9:38 pm
      The best way to find a mentor is to find a group of like minded people, either in person or online, and get to know them. As you learn about them, you can reach out to someone who has the credentials to potentially become a mentor for you. It's not usually an overnight process but the time and energy you put forth in making these connections can open all kinds of doors.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on July 12, 2024 1:28 pm
    i am a newly minted slave to a Master that i have 'known' for over twenty years. He has just come back into my life and i have willingly submitted myself to Him. The problem is, my history with Him and now His Ownership of me ...i am in love with Him. Is it wrong to tell your Master you love Him?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on July 14, 2024 2:17 pm
      Is it wrong? The short answer is no. However, as with all relationships, the longer you wait to say the L word, the more confirmation you have that it's not just infatuation. Because submission requires one to be more vulnerable than they are typically used to, these feelings can appear faster and stronger than you may typically expect. I would caution you to be mindful of this and give it time. Time may not change anything except the fact that you are more sure than you are today. But at least you will allow those feelings to mature instead of take them at face value.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on May 25, 2024 1:26 pm
    Hi. On your vetting page, you include the following "I compiled a list of questions from multiple posts on Instructor144’s Tumbler page" and link to his page. I think you might consider editing that page. He's been gone from Tumblr since, I think, some time in 2022 or early 2023. So far as I can tell, he hasn't rebuilt a presence there. Which is a huge shame, and a loss for the community. In any event, the link you have returns a "Not Found" error from Tumblr. I love what you're doing here! Thank you!
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on May 25, 2024 1:57 pm
      I found and updated the link to his new tumbler page. Thank you!
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on May 17, 2024 12:54 am
    yes
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on May 16, 2024 1:45 pm
    I am a dom\daddy and my wife is a submissive brat and I am wanting to know and understand what that is and what she likes she won't tell me nothing so I am trying to find out for myself
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on May 16, 2024 4:17 pm
      A brat is a type of a submissive who likes to be reminded of their place. They typically enjoy pushing buttons to trigger a strong reaction of the Dominant that will correct their actions and set them straight. This, in turn, will reinforce the power exchange between the Dom and sub, and place the sub in a strong submissive headspace. It can be a bit of a cat and mouse game. And IF you enjoy this type of interaction, it's safe to say you would also fit the Description as a Brat Tamer. But be careful, because not everyone enjoys taming a brat is who always looking to test boundaries. It can be a bit tiresome, on the Dom side, for some. This is something you need to discuss and negotiate with her about. Find out what her main kinks are. Does she want to be put in her place? Does she just enjoy the chase. Is she wanting true punishment for pushing your boundaries or is she wanting a play punishment where it's all apart of the game, and it's secretly a punishment (aka funishment) she enjoys. Don't forget to cover your boundaries too. When you have a brat, it can be a lot. But communicating and making sure you are both on the same page can make it safe and enjoyable for each of you.
  • Curious Kinkster asked:
    on May 7, 2024 8:31 pm
    What kind of impact (not what toys, but what kind… like thuddy pain, or stinging things) leave bruises the easiest?
    • kinkycuriosity replied:
      on May 9, 2024 3:25 pm
      This is very relative to each individual.  Because you aren't really focusing on impact, you are focusing on marks.  What makes you mark, might not make me mark.  So that's a big factor.  There's also a difference on who's doing the impact.  Are you planning on doing a scene with a partner, or are you wanting to do self impact? Self impact is way more difficult to mark yourself compared to doing a scene with a partner.  It also depends on how much pain you can handle.  IMPACT HURTS.  A lot of times, people have to work up their pain tolerance to be able to get marks they want.  Because the amount of pain you have to tolerate to get marks or bruises, can be more than you can handle. But all that aside, you can get marks with both stingy and thuddy implements.  I would say, self impact is easier to get marks with heavier, thuddier impacts, while with a partner, you can do either.  But it really does come down to a lot of different factors.