Mindset is a big part of D/s, but it’s rarely talked about. It’s what helps you really connect to your role. But what do you do when your mind’s too busy or life’s distractions are pulling you away? With a bit of practice, you can learn how to maintain your mindset, even when life gets hectic. Let’s talk about how.
What is a Dominant or submissive mindset?
Your mindset is the way you think and feel. It is what enables you to fully engage and experience your role, whether it be Dominant or submissive. It brings purpose, clarity, and authenticity to your actions and feelings.
How is a Dominant/submissive mindset different from Domspace or subspace?
A mindset is an everyday intentional way of thinking, feeling, and behaving in relation to your role. Your mindset can be present even outside of kink interactions.
Domspace and subspace are intensely altered mental states due to a rush of body chemicals. These are typically the results of some type of intense play session or scene.
How can one transition from an everyday vanilla mindset to a Dominant or submissive one?
Having a list of items that you can try really helps to provide a physical distinction for your brain to know that it’s time to focus on your mindset and role.
Here are some things Dom’s can do. Try wearing certain clothing like leather, chains, or boots to reinforce the shift into a dominant mindset. Be intentional with your actions, such as standing taller or using a firmer tone of voice. Self-affirmations like “I am in control” or “I am assertive and powerful” can act as reminders to support the shift. As well as, adopting more commanding language, such as saying “kneel” instead of asking “can you kneel for me”.
For submissives, physical triggers like kneeling, bowing your head, eye contact restriction, or wearing a collar, cuffs, or symbolic jewelry can help initiate a submissive mindset. You can also focus on your posture by standing with hands behind your back or sitting with knees apart. Affirmations like “I trust and submit to my Dom” or “I find strength and peace in giving up control” can also aid in the transition. Finally, using honorifics like “Yes, Sir/Ma’am” and asking for permission can help to reinforce your submission and deepen your connection to your role.
However, it is very important to remember that it can take time to fully shift from a vanilla mindset into a D/s one, especially if you’ve had a busy day or are carrying a lot of stress from other parts of your life . Don’t rush the transition. Allow yourself time to adjust.
What are some different types of kink mindsets?
- Dominant Mindset- Assumes leadership, control, and responsibility.
- Submissive Mindset- Takes on a more passive, receptive, and obedient role.
- Master Mindset- Assumes a position of complete authority and focuses on guiding, directing, and making decisions.
- Slave Mindset- Adopts a position of submission and obedience by surrendering control and following their Master’s direction.
- Service-Oriented Mindset- Focuses on providing service and meeting the needs of a Dominant or the scene’s requirements.
- Caregiving Mindset- Attention to providing emotional support, safety, and aftercare.
- Little Mindset- Takes on a more playful, childlike demeanor, often embracing innocence and vulnerability.
What are some reasons that something might negatively affect your mindset?
Let’s face it, if you’re stressed or exhausted, it’s hard to stay focused. Emotional struggles, like insecurities or past trauma, for example, can also make it tough to fully embrace your role. Poor communication or conflicts with your partner will often lead to misunderstandings or aggravations. And everyday distractions, like work or family problems can pull you out of the moment. Health issues, misaligned expectations, neglecting aftercare, or jumping into a scene without proper preparation can also impact your mindset.
Make sure you are thoroughly communicating any difficulties you are having with your partner. Take care of yourself, and give yourself grace so you can ensure that both you and your partner can fully engage in your mindsets and enjoy your dynamic.
What are ways to focus your mindset even when you aren’t actively participating in D/s?
Trying to incorporate small daily rituals that help to reinforce the mindset are super helpful. This could include something as simple as wearing a symbolic bracelet, choosing a specific color that represents their partner, or practicing body writing in a discreet place.
Engaging in silent protocol can further reinforce the mindset without verbal prompts. For example, allowing the Dominant to order food for the submissive, having the submissive walk behind the Dominant on the sidewalk, or subs adopting certain postures like holding their shoulders back or keeping their hands in pockets for a period of time can help maintain the power exchange, even discreetly in public. These practices make it easier to both focus on the power exchange dynamic and help to focus the mind.
Maintaining a D/s mindset is all about finding what works for you. From physical cues to silent protocol, staying connected to your role doesn’t have to stop when a scene ends. It’s about being mindful and keeping that dynamic flowing naturally in daily life. So let’s practice focusing on those mindsets so you can be kinky and stay curious.
