Contracts serve as a record of commitment between people involved in an agreement.  Contracts are meant to safeguard all parties involved by laying out responsibilities and expectations.  While a contract can be written or verbal, I’m going to be covering written contracts only, because I personally see verbal contracts more as an agreement than anything else.  A contract should always be tailored to the individuals involved because everyone’s wants and needs and expectations are unique.  Do not copy and paste a template.  Edit it and make it work for you.  This article is intended as a guide, not as a definitive source of what one must do.

What needs to occur before a BDSM contract is written up?

Negotiations, lots and lots of negotiations.

Are contracts necessary?

No.  Not everyone wants one.  And aside from the visual representation, they also provide a clear understanding of any rules, limits, and expectations that may be set. 

Are BDSM contracts legally binding?

In a court of law? Absolutely not.  There’s a whole slew of reasons as to why they aren’t, but a person who is of sound mind can’t legally sign away their personal rights.  However, no one intentionally has their dynamic in front of the courts. Just because a contract doesn’t hold up legally, doesn’t mean a contract holds no value. Contracts can be sacred.

What are some types of BDSM contracts?

While there are many different scenarios and categories of people that might use a BDSM contract.  I am going to cover 2 types: a BDSM Mentor contract, and a BDSM Relationship contract.

What are BDSM Mentor contracts?

Mentors are someone who is knowledgeable in BDSM and agree to help someone learn different areas, aspects, and safety practices of BDSM.  (To learn more about Mentors, check out my mentor article here.)

The purpose of a BDSM Mentor contract is to record that all parties involved understand the expectations and requirements between the participants, as well as to set down the process that they will use for the mentorship.  A Mentor is not someone who will play, or have sex, with you (although they may assist you in your play to show you specific techniques).

Things that can be included in a BDSM Mentor contract are:

• Specific outcomes that are expected to result from the mentorship.
• Details on how you know the outcome has been achieved.
• Time frame for reviews and renegotiations.
• Expectations of both the Mentor and the mentee.
• Scheduling expectations
• Expectations on how to address issues.
• Any other ideas or notes that are of importance.

This is a sample BDSM Mentor contract that comes from @Vampyre on FetLife or @gorean_vampyre on Instagram. BDSM Mentor Contract

What is a BDSM Relationship contract?

A BDSM relationship contract is a record of understanding and agreeance for a power exchange dynamic between the parties involved.

What does this mean?  Domination and submission in any form is power exchange.  This could be between, Dominants and submissives, Masters and slaves, Bigs and littles, Owners and pets, Sadists and masochists, and could also be used for a play partner type of dynamic as well.  This type of contract lays out the constringents of the dynamic/relationship.

What are some things that can be included in a BDSM relationship contract?

While there’s not any one thing that has to be included, it’s a good idea to add the things that are relevant to you and your dynamic.

• Names of people involved
• Time frame for how long the contract is good for.  This doesn’t mean the relationship has to end, it could just mean, after this amount of time, you renegotiate the contract and sign a new one.
• Safewords
• Soft and hard limits
• Expected Rules
• Responsibilities for all parties
• Discipline and punishment expectations
• Expected Rituals and protocols
• Sexual expectations
• Poly expectations
• Privacy and public expectations
• Contract termination guidelines

This is a sample BDSM relationship contract provided by a wonderful friend of mine, Bryan Sir. BDSM Relationship Contract

When writing a contract, it’s important to be detailed.  Leaving things up for assumption can cause people to have misunderstandings.  While it’s impossible to cover every single thing for every possible scenario, a contract should lay out a guideline of what is expected from all parties, not just submissives.

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Contracts provide a visual representation of commitment.  It also is a great reference.  I look back at contracts and agreements all the time because if I don’t, I’ll forget until I have formed a habit.  Aside from having a physical object as a representation, they are also a well-thought-out and structured form of an agreement.  And while they aren’t for everyone, contracts can easily set a strong foundation filled with expectations and understandings that can even help the newest relationship start off in a great way.  Contract or not, tailor BDSM for your needs.  And as always, be kinky and stay curious.