What is some need-to-know information for those who are just starting out in BDSM or Kink?
First, let’s discuss the difference between BDSM and Kink. BDSM involves the practice of different kinky interests. While Kink or being kinky means you enjoy exploring the sexual and non-sexual desires you have that may differ from societal norms.
It is important to remember that these are just labels. While there are safety guidelines you should follow for the safety of everyone involved, everyone can do BDSM or kink the way that they want. Labels are subjective, and what one might find kinky, someone else might not think twice about it. This is completely okay as long as you are enjoying what you are doing and having fun in a safe way.
How can someone get into BDSM?
Once you figure out that you are or may be kinky, that’s when the exploration starts. Exploring with a partner, researching topics and kinks, and finding groups of like-minded people, whether it be online or in-person, are the most common ways to explore BDSM. To find local like-minded people, setting up a FetLife account is the best first step. FetLife is like a kinky Facebook in a sense. If you can’t explore BDSM in person, MANY online venues have Kink groups. I will caution though, if you join a group, whether it’s in person or online, don’t take what someone tells you to heart. If you are learning about BDSM, someone might interpret and explain something one way, and you might interpret it in a completely different way. Learn from multiple sources.
Why is safety so important?
Safety is one of the pillars of BDSM and Kink. It is so important because, frankly, Kink play can be dangerous, physically, mentally or emotionally. Focusing on the safety of all parties involved is what makes Kink accessible. Before you participate, know what you are planning to partake in. Understand the risks involved, and have a plan in case something goes wrong.
What are safe words, and should you have them?
Safewords are a code word that is selected before play, and used in a situation to signal to the Dominant or Top that there may be an issue. It could be a physical, mental, or emotional issue. This is not always something a Dominant or Top can see happening. Safewords should be a word or words that would never naturally be spoken in a scene because accidentally saying a safe word can potentially stop a scene. I feel for a safety aspect that everyone should have a safe word or the option to safe word. If someone you just met tries to tell you that you don’t get to have a safe word, then your safety isn’t their main priority.
What are limits?
A limit is something you do not want to do. A limit is something you don’t have to do. There are two main types of limits: hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are something that you absolutely will not do no matter the circumstances, no matter the wants or desires of the other party involved. Soft limits are something you really don’t want to do or are very hesitant about trying. Soft limits require lots of discussions and negotiations before they are considered. And even after consideration, it is up to you to decide to try it or not.
What is vetting, and why should you do it?
Vetting is to thoroughly inspect a person to make sure they are trustworthy, safe, have a good understanding of the BDSM activities you want to explore with them, and that they match up with your kinky wants and needs. Setting up a mock interview with them and asking them questions will let you know a person’s knowledge base and understanding. Reaching out to people in the community, and getting their opinions of the person can let you know whether they can be trusted to play with or not. Protecting yourself is the most important thing you can do when exploring BDSM. Vetting a partner to make sure they are right for you is how you do your due diligence to make sure you are as safe as you can be.
The most important thing with starting your BDSM journey is actually starting. Everyone has a different story on how they found Kink, but being able to recognize red flags early on will make your journey so much more pleasant. Be safe, educate, protect yourself, and don’t forget to have fun! And remember to be kinky and stay curious!
