Before we delve into aftercare, it’s important to note that aftercare is not the only type of care there is. There are three types of personal care: before care, during care, and aftercare. 

• Before care is prepping yourself to make sure you are ready before your scene.  Make sure you have energy before play by eating, making sure you are hydrated, well-rested, and clean and tidy prior to your play scene.
• During care consists of providing care during the scene by check-ins, keeping an eye on safety aspects like possible circulation issues or fatigue, for example.  Also, being aware of energy levels, staying hydrated, and making sure the bottom is getting the oxygen they need (some people tend to hold their breath during types of play) are also things to be aware of.
• Aftercare is caring for the body after a scene.  Provide first aid to any minor injuries that may have occurred.  Have snacks and water available as well as a blanket, in case the body needs to warm back up.  Providing reassurance, positive feedback, inquiring about how they are feeling, and talking about the scene are all ways to provide emotional aftercare.  Keep in mind not everyone wants to (or can) talk about a scene right after it happens.  Some people need time to process their thoughts and feelings before they know how they were feeling and what they thought about the scene.

How do I know what my aftercare needs are?

Everyone’s aftercare needs are different.  Even if you are new to the scene, you’re not new to your body.  You know how you react to stress and strain.  When you get overwhelmed, does it make you tired, or does it pump you up?  When you’ve been hurt, do you seek others for comfort, or do you shut down and internalize everything?  Do you get cold easily?  Does your blood sugar drop easily?  When you unwind, do you find comfort in sharing your time and attention with someone, or do you like to keep yourself busy to distract yourself?

Don’t do something just because someone else does.  You know you, and you know what you need.  Listen to your body, pay attention to your feelings, and how you react to situations.  Make sure you talk with your partner about what you feel would be the best most comforting way for you to relax and destress after a scene.

When is aftercare needed?

This depends on the individual’s needs and if they are dealing with drop. Some people need aftercare right after the scene only. But some people need it up to 5 days after. Also, emotional aftercare can be something that needs to be focused on. Ask your partner how they are feeling, check in with them after the scene, reassure them, as long as they need, that you enjoyed the scene, that they did a great job, you are proud of them.

What if my partner didn’t give me any aftercare?

If you didn’t get any aftercare from your partner or you didn’t get enough, there are some things you can do.  You can get third-party aftercare from a person you did not have your scene with.  But you also can provide your own aftercare.  Treat any injuries you may have and replenish your body with water and nutrients.  Have a snack.  Grab a comfort item, whether it be a stuffed animal or a book.  Listening to music personally helps me relax and destress.  Maybe you would enjoy a warm beverage.

Some people struggle with being alone after a scene. If you are by yourself and lonely afterwards, see if you can find someone to hang out with or phone a friend.  Being social is another way to destress. 

What is third-party aftercare?

Third-party aftercare is receiving aftercare from someone that you did not participate in the scene with.  There could be multiple reasons that one might seek out third-party aftercare.  Maybe the Dominant got called away unexpectedly.  Perhaps you were doing a scene with someone that you don’t have an affectionate rapport with, or maybe you were doing a scene with someone else for your Dominant.  No matter what the reason, third-party aftercare is just as valid as any type of aftercare. Get what you need, however you can, in the safest way possible. 

What is an aftercare kit?

An aftercare kit is a kit you make before your scene.  It contains essential items that you might need after a scene.  It’s a good idea to have two aftercare kits if you ever do scenes away from home, an at-home one, and a travel one. What is in your aftercare kit may differ from mine based on your needs.  Things to consider adding to your aftercare kit would be water, snacks, a sports drink (like Gatorade or Powerade, something to replenish lost electrolytes), a first aid kit, pain relievers, hand sanitizer, a blanket, a change of clothes, or a stuffed animal. 

What if my Dominant needs aftercare?

It’s important to remember that both parties need aftercare.  Usually, the submissive is where the aftercare regimen is focused.  But providing aftercare for the submissive is a type of aftercare for the Dominant.  Allowing the Dominant to provide care for the submissive can be a way for the Dominant to change mindsets from the intense headspace the scene may need to being caring and making sure they take care of their sub in a compassionate way after the scene is over.

But is there anything a submissive can do to help a Dominant during aftercare? Absolutely!  Some scenes can get pretty intense, and Dominants, in general, usually need reassurance that the submissive not only enjoyed the scene but enjoyed the actions they received from their Dom during the scene.  Knowing that the submissive still loves or cares for their Dominant, even after the Dominant potentially showed their darker side is essential.  The Dominant needs that kind of validation just as much as a submissive does when hearing their Dominant is proud of them.  Make sure you acknowledge and give thanks to your Dominant for spending the last however-long session where they focused their time and effort on you.  Some scenes can be physically exhausting for a Dominant.  Offering to give them a drink, a massage, or just cuddling up with them are ways to show your gratitude. 

Is aftercare needed for online play?

Not always, but it definitely can be.  For me, I’ve had my biggest drop from online play.  And having the virtual aftercare, helped me cope and work through my drop. 

Online care is pretty similar to in-person care.  Make sure that you follow your before care regimen.  During your online scene, be able to check-in with your partner, and have your partner check in with you. Make sure you voice any problems you may have. 

After the scene, your partner might have you clean up, clean your toys, put away anything that was used, make sure you eat a snack or drink some water, get a blanket if needed, and, most importantly, just be there for you. Talk about what you liked and what you didn’t like, tell your partner how you felt, and how much you enjoyed doing the scene with them.

What you and your partner do for aftercare is dependent on what your needs are.  Some people don’t want to talk about how the scene went right after the scene, because that prevents them from relaxing.  They might just want to hear that they did a good job and that their Dominant it is proud of them, or the Dominant might need to hear that the submissive had fun and enjoyed the scene. 

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Everyone’s aftercare regimen is different because everyone’s needs are different. Take care of your body, talk to your partner about your tendencies and how you handle stress, prepare an aftercare kit, and enjoy the afterglow that you receive from your scene. And remember guys, be kinky and stay curious!